We’re in the thick of beer festival season here in the U.S. I’ve been to a few of these blessed things, often in the Midwest, and the “dos” and “don’ts” are just beginning to crystallize for me.
Keep in mind, many of these go for both sexes, but they’re definitely written from a woman’s perspective.
1. Don’t start out with the hoppiest, highest ABV, most flavorful beers and then peter out to lagers and cream ales. You won’t be able to taste much.
2. Try not to eat Chipotle or anything else heavy right before. There’s nothing worse than having a BM in a Port-O-Potty.
3. Please, wear lots of deodorant.
4. If you’re not going to stay the whole time, go an hour or so after the start, when all the special stuff starts to be tapped, but before people start packin’ up.
5. Don’t wear a shirt with anything that will give drunken guys even more of an excuse to talk to you.
6. Don’t wear big clunky heels, especially if it’s outside. I continue to do this.
7. If you’re at a beer fest that gives you a finite amount of tickets for tastes, you’re at a lame festival. Luckily, most pourers are beer lovers, and think that idea is dumb. Don’t give a ticket for a pour unless held at gunpoint.
8. These things are generally full of happy, new-age hippies. There won’t be a riot if you cut in line.
9. Prepare to be crop-dusted. Often.
10. Make your own damn pretzel necklace. It’s cheap and quick. (Be creative: Big nuts like pecans work nicely, too, and go well with porters and stouts)
This is very helpful, and very funny. Clearly, a lot of these are written for girls, but it’s good that you pointed that out.
I, for one, try to stay away from wearing clunky heels, especially at beer festivals. And if you think having a drunken guy talking to YOU is bad, try being a dude in that situation. You can pretend to feign interest for only so long before you want to wind up and clock the bastard.
Regarding drink tickets, I do think it’s kind of lame, but it does keep the drunk population to a minimum, especially at things such as Strong Ale festivals. When I poured at the Real Ale Festival in Chicago, I wouldn’t take anyone’s ticket, unless the booth supervisor was standing there. The Great American Beer Festival is an all-you-can-drink situation. But with one-ounce pours, it feels a bit stingy.
Great post, and Happy Beerfest Season!
Ha ha ha! I welcome your addendums to the list, Phil. I’m sure there are things I’ve left off. One: If you don’t want to get made fun of by beer nurds, don’t go up to a Belgian or German brewery and ask for “the hoppiest thing they got.”
If you can exit and re-enter the event, take a cooler with a case a bottled water. Also take a spare roll of TP. (Obviously I’m a chick.)
Guys, if you want to get welcome attention from women (not the oh my God that guy just puked on his shoes! attention), invest in a portable breathalyser. We were enthralled with blowing into that thing at Ale Fest last year.
Beer festivals are not match.com meet ups. Don’t expect anyone to give you their number.
Who eats Chipotle before a beer fest? What an idiot that guy is. Unless he is obsessed with Potle, then it makes perfect sense.
How about a tip for the brewers: Make the choices more visible before patrons reach the taps, that way people have already decided rather than taking up precious time reading the descriptions and slowly making a decision.
One more tip: Don’t get trashed the night before a festival, it’ll be far less enjoyable.
You’d think this would be common sense but, well, I’m dumb.
Yeah, I second that, and I’m also dumb. Look at me in the pic; I look drunk, but it’s from the night before.